The Mouths Of Babes

Walk A Mile In My Shoes

I want to send out a heartfelt Thank You to all of the people that left comments or sent me email wishing me luck on my surgery and a speedy recovery. I guess all things considered, I am having a speedy recovery. It doesn't feel that way, though. :( My husband described it well to a family member that called last night to see how I am doing. He said, "Well, she was extremely bad, then it was very, very bad. Right now it is just very bad." I'm seriously looking forward to bad. :)

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Here's a story I told the children last night at dinner. I actually started it last night and have been adding to it slowly as I was feeling up to it. It only took me about four or five 10 minute sessions. haha How pathetic am I?

A little over a year ago I was playing the role of single mom while my husband was working on the opposite coast repairing our house from a fire (long story). I decided it would be fun to take the children to Golden Gate Park (we were living in San Francisco) to ride their bikes. They were still using training wheels and couldn't yet go very fast, so I walked along beside/behind them. I decided to park about half a mile from the playground so they could ride, then play at the playground, then ride back.

This is what is called a Bad Idea. You see, there are a lot of hills between where I parked and the playground. At every hill Erin insisted on getting off the bike while I pushed it and Teddy insisted on riding his bike up the hill. There was not a single hill up which Teddy could ride. He tried his little heart out on each hill but just couldn't make it. I ended up pushing both bikes up every hill while trying to make sure that the children didn't run off. Twice I lost a bike. Once it just fell over. The other time, to my horror, it rolled all the way back to the bottom. Needless to say, by the time we reached the playground, I was frazzled and frustrated.

About 30 seconds after reaching the playground I realized this, too, was a Bad Idea. The playrgound in Golden Gate Park is huge - no it's humongous. There a 4 different large play areas with lots of alcoves and tubes in which to hide. Each time I located one child I would lose the other.

Boy was it funny to hide from Mommy. She can't find me! This is a blast! I wonder how long before she finds me? There she is calling my name again. Hah! Ha ha ha! She'll never find me in here.

15 minutes into playrgound fun it was Time To Go. NOW.

I get the children over to the bikes. We walk 10 feet and I realize the only way out of the playground is up a Big Hill. Great. Isn't that just great. Erin doesn't even bother getting on her bike - she just walks it over to me. She then runs up the hill - and I can't see her. I start to panic because it's very crowded. I yell to her and she comes back and stands at the top of the hill. I tell Teddy to get off of his bike so I can push it. Teddy insists that he can ride his bike up the hill.

Teddy: I can do it, Mommy!
Me: Teddy, just let Mommy push it so we can catch up with Erin.
Teddy: No! I can do it!
Me: No, Teddy, you can't.
Teddy: Yes, I can!
(I look up and see Erin start walking away)
Me: Teddy, you can't do it! You can't make it up the hill.
Teddy: Yes! I want to try!
Me: Teddy I know you can't make it just let me do it, please!

Right in the middle of this conversation, 3 young men (early twenties) ride up near us on their bikes. They are serious bike riders. They have expensive bikes and all of the equipment. They see my exchange with Teddy over his wanting to ride up the hill. They look at me with disgust like I'm a horrible mother. Then, to my dismay, they lean down to Teddy and say, "You can do it! You can make it up the hill!"

I can not even describe the anger I felt at these guys. I was livid. Worse than that, they actually made me feel guilty. Was I a horrible mother? Was I discouraging him? I worried over this through three more hills. It was when I lost a bike (all the way to the bottom) on the third hill that I realized I wasn't a horrible mother. The heck with those jerks. Let them live the last hour I lived and then see if they don't do the same thing.

I Woke Up! Whew!

I can't really type much. I just wanted to let everyone that was interested in my 'Rogue Rib' saga know that the surgery went well. There was no growth on the rib - for some unknown reason it just protruded out further than the other ribs. The doctors are all still baffled. The surgeon removed about 2 inches of the rib - that will be biopsied per routine procedure.

I was able to come home about 3 hours after the surgery. I won't know if it fixes the pain for a couple more weeks.

Thanks for all of the well wishes!

Tomorrow, I Want To Be...

When I went in to wake Teddy up for school yesterday he said, "Tomorrow, I want to be a house." I'm sure this was a leftover thought from a dream. I was cracking up.

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We are getting 2 puppies! They are both chocolate labrador males from the same litter. We pick them up on April 18th. There were 11 males in this litter and no females. The seller (a really nice family) said that her vet told her the odds were like 1 in a Million of that happening. We were going to get 1 but then we decided on 2. We want 2 anyway and decided it's better to train both at the same time and get it over with at one time. Plus, it's kind of neat to have 'brothers' - maybe it will be a little easier on them leaving their Mom. :)

Now we need to pick names. Erin likes 'Rock Star' (we'd probably call him Rocky). Teddy likes 'Brown Bear' (Bear for short). We aren't sure about those names. Ted and I like Scout and Pip. If anyone has suggestions, PLEASE, leave a comment!

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I have my preop appointment with my surgeon this morning. When I went for my preop testing (bloodwork, physical, EKG) yesterday, they said I am scheduled for a Thoracic Discectomy and not a Thoracoplasty. They said that I would be staying overnight and not going home after the surgery like my doctor told me. So now I have even more questions for my surgeon this morning. I will let you know later why he wants to change the procedure. This new one operates on the spine so that makes me more nervous than just cutting out part of the rib.

It looks to me (from that link) that part of the new procedure involves removing the rib. I think he might be trying to kill 2 birds with one stone: remove the rib and remove the herniated disk where the rib connects to the spine. The neurosurgeon that loooked at my spine MRI said that the herniation is very mild and couldn't possibly be causing my rib problem. The orthopedic surgeon (doing Monday's surgery) still thinks that it could be the problem (He said that a few weeks ago). He said that there's no way to tell for sure that it's not the problem. So now I'm worried that he's just going to go in there and fish around and I'll end up not being fixed. I'm going to raise this concern with him today.

I had my first "It's cancer" dream last night. I don't really think it is , I'm sure that's just stress from upcoming surgery. I also had a dream that I was eating Taffy and it was stuck in my teeth. I keep trying to pick it out of my teeth and they starting to get very loose and then they started falling out. I'm sure that was also surgery stress related. I'm not looking forward to my sleep this weekend. :)

UPDATE: The doctor said that I am having the Thoracoplasty and the hospital is wrong. He is going to make sure that they change it and also that the insurance was approved for the correct operation. Whew. He said he will be cutting out about a 3 inch section. There will still be rib at the front and at the back. The one in the front will 'float' and not be attached to anything. I can join the circus!! The operation will take about an hour and I *should* be able to go home the same day. The operation was moved from 10 to noon - which sucks because I can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight so now I have to go longer without food or (more importantly) coffee.

Mean Mommy

We spent the morning getting ready for school and playing April Fool's jokes on each other. It was all fun and games until I played a joke on Teddy that he didn't find funny. His birthday is tomorrow. He's been wanting a bike since forever. I told him his bike was in the bathroom and that Daddy forgot to hide it. He went running in the bathroom to see it and I said, "APRIL FOOLS!" He sat down on the floor and cried his heart out. I don't know why I thought he'd think it was funny. We had been doing jokes for 20 minutes and he laughed at every one that was played on him. I thought he'd just laugh - honestly I did. I felt so bad about it. He was so sad that his bike wasn't there. I guess I should have known. Poor little guy - he has such a mean Mommy.

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I added a new post to DotMoms: Going Under the Knife

COME ON DOWN!

I am finally back home. I had such a great time in L.A. but it sure is nice to be home. I missed Ted and the children intensely. They had yellow roses, a cake, and balloons for me when I got home. They also had a house full of germs. Erin's sneezing and Teddy has a cough and a fever. The gift that keeps on giving. As I was walking through the airport with Teddy he said, "We have surprises for you at home. Balloons and flowers and a cake! I hope you're surprised!!" I told him not to tell anyone he told me that and I acted very surprised when I saw them.

On Monday, my friend Christi and I went to a taping of The Price Is Right. It was so cool to see the show live. The studio was so much smaller than I expected. The stage was maybe 1.5 times larger than my living room. The audience area was almost that small too. I expected it to be much bigger. It was also very cheesy looking in person. It kind of looked old - like they hadn't painted it since it started 32 years ago. Oh, the magic of television. Bob Barker was great - he told a lot of funny anecdotes in between taping segments. The show will air on April 19th. I was way in the back of the audience and was not called - so don't expect to actually see me. I wasn't too bummed about that, though. It was just so much fun being there. Besides, all 6 contestants lost their games. For 4 of them I would have won if it had been me. Not that I have sour grapes or anything...

Teddy turns 5 on Friday. How did 5 years go by so quickly? He's having a bowling party. I sent out 23 invitations and damn if every single one of them didn't call to say they are coming. I thought only about half would come. At least everyone respected the RSVP this time. When I did Erin's party last year only 3 people RSVP'ed and 14 people showed up. I was so ticked off because I had to give the bowling alley a number and we were off by 11 people which didn't please the bowling alley people too much. The RSVP gets no respect any more...

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My surgery is scheduled for April 12th. I'm so anxious to have it done and be on the road to feeling like my old self again. This has been going on since August and I'm just sick of it. I'm sooo looking forward to waking up in the morning and not feeling like someone snuck into my room and spent the night punching me in the back. The hospital is supposed to call me today to set up the preoperative tests - bloodwork and EKG, etc. I will keep you posted...

Scary Sound

This morning I heard one of those sounds that you hope never to hear - the sound of your 6 year old daughter falling down the steps. Thankfully she as OK - one scratch and one bruise. It was mostly a butt bump but there was a little roll on the bottom steps. She was lying at the bottom of the steps when I made it to her. I think I went 20 feet in about 3 giant leaps. I hear a good sound - her crying - which meant she was at least conscious and probably OK. We checked her out a little and then Ted picked her up and put her on the couch. She cried a little bit and then the first thing out of her mouth was, "Can I watch 'Lion King One and a Half?'" They learn pretty young that the best time to ask Mom and Dad for something you want is right after you get hurt.

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I went to the orthopedic doctor last Friday. He examined me and said that the rib lump felt bigger to him, too. We discussed options and really the only option at this point, since all of my radiology tests have been normal, is surgery. The Surgery Center is going to call me later this week to set up a Thoracoplasty and Excision Biopsy - to be done in a couple of weeks. I'm not thrilled about having surgery but I will be sooo happy if it works and I am done with this pain. He went through all of the 'bad' things that are associated with surgery but when we were getting ready to leave he said, "I really think that this is going to fix you. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think that." That made me feel a lot better about it.

He said that for most surgeries they can do a small horizontal incision. In my case he said he wants to make a vertical incision. This is not as good because it will need to be fairly large and cosmetically I probably won't like it. He said he needs to do that so that he can get under the muscle and be able to get to the bone properly. Also, he said if it is malignant, mostly likely there would need to be a follow up surgery and a horizontal incision would hinder the ability to do a later surgery - which would require the vertical incision. He does not think that I have a malignant tumor for a number of reasons (knock on wood) but it's better to be safe. I told him that I could care less about the scar.

He also said he'd need to cut through a fair amount of muscle to get to the bone. He said that muscle is the most painful thing to heal and since it is in my back that will be even more painful since you basically use your back for *everything*. To sum it up: I'm going to be in a lot of pain after the operation. Great.

The good news is that I will go in first thing in the morning and be able to come home the same day. At first he said they'd do the surgery in the OR they have in the basement of their offices. He looked at our faces and said, "Well, maybe it would be better to do it at the hospital." I was like, "definitely!" There's no way I want to be in the basement of a doctor's office if something goes wrong. This is a general anesthesia procedure - I mean I'm having my freaking rib removed! I'll take the OR at the real hospital, thank you very much.

Speaking of having my rib taken out... Get this: He said that most likely my rib will GROW BACK. How whacky is that? I had no idea that your ribs could regenerate! Why can't arms and legs do that???

The last, and only, surgery I've had was a tonsilectomy when I was four years old. I'm a little nervous about having surgery - who wouldn't be nervous? I'm trying not to freak out about it, though. I just keep telling myself how much better I'm going to feel in a couple of months. I can actually imagine having fun this summer!

Midnight

Erin woke up and came to our room at midnight last night. I walked her back to her room. On the way I asked her if she needed to go potty and she said she did. So we go in the bathroom. She sits down on the potty. That's all well and good except she didn't pull her pants down first. I grabbed her up and told her not to start peeing yet. She was so groggy - I swear she was still 75% asleep. Thankfully I was able to get her up in time.

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Me: Teddy, did you see any Leprechauns yesterday?
Teddy: Yes!
Me: You did? Did your plan to catch him work?
Teddy: No. I grabbed him but he started yelling "LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" so I had to let him go.

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Well, no luck with the Nerve Block. :( Major bummer. :( I have an appointment with the Orthopedic doctor this morning. Ted is going with me. We are going to try to convince him to DO something. I don't know exactly what, but something. This has been going on since last August and I'm sick of not knowing what's wrong. Maybe he could do exploratory surgery if that's an option. I'll keep you posted...

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I added a new post to DotMoms: Vulnerability

Happy St. Patrick's Day

This morning before school I crocheted three 4 leaf clover pins for the children to wear to school. They really liked them. I felt like Susie Homemaker - I've never made a craft for a holiday before. :) I was quite proud of myself - they actually looked like 4 leaf clovers.

Teddy: Mom, we have to keep a lookout for Leprechauns today.
Me: We do?
Teddy: Yes, and if we see one we tell him we want to be his friend. Then we grab him. That's how we trick him into giving us his gold.
Me: Right on! I hope you see one!

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I had my second Thoracic Nerve Block yesterday. This time it only took about 5 minutes and was much much less painful. I didn't mind having it done at all this time. The last one was miserable - it took 40 minutes and he had to give me extra local anesthesia 3 times while he poked and prodded with the needle. So far, so good. I am getting some pain relief. I have a lot of pain at the location of the procedure but my rib pain seems less this morning. They say it takes 2-3 days to really get the full affect so I am hopeful that I get even more pain relief in the next day or two. Keep your fingers crossed that it gets better!

11 pm

I had just settled down for a long winter's nap when what to my wandering ears should be heard... Lots of noise in the bathroom. Toileting sounds followed by water running in the sink. At first I thought it was Erin or Teddy. It continued for a long enough time that I figured it must be Rachel. Just as I was about to dismiss the noise, I heard, "Mom! ... MOM! Are you up yet?"

So I went upstairs to see what Teddy was doing. He was standing at the top of the steps. When I asked what he was doing up:

Teddy: Is it morning?
Me: No, sweetie. It's the middle of the night. Here, I'll put you back to bed and sit with you for a little while.

Teddy walks back to his room and gets in bed. Then he looks up at me and gets this sad look on his face and tears start to well up.

Me: What's wrong, honey?
Teddy: I thought it was morning. WAA-HAA!
Me: Why is that making you so sad?

Then I get it...

Me: Oh, honey, you brushed your teeth, didn't you?
Teddy: YES! I went potty and brushed teeth and now it's not morning and I have to go back to bed. WAA-HAA!!

Poor little thing. So I sat with him until he fell back asleep. I made it to the bottom of the steps.

Teddy: MOM! Where are you? What are you doing? You said you'd sit with me!!

I head back upstairs.

Me: I'm sorry, sweetie. I thought you were asleep so I went downstairs. It's the middle of the night and I wanted to get in my own bed.

5 minutes go by...

Teddy: Mom, you can go downstairs to your bed now. I love you. Good night.

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Rib update: I spoke to the anesthesiologist that did the last Thoracic Epidural block. He said that they usually do that procedure in a series of three. That was my first and it is common for it not to work the first time. He wants to do it at least once more, maybe twice. So I go back under the needle on Tuesday. Fingers crossed that this one actually works...

I added a new Category (on the right) that is "Rogue Rib" for anyone that wants to see the history of my Rib problem...

Chess and Trouble

Teddy and I were playing Chess yesterday morning before school. We didn't have time to finish the game. When he got home from school, I was working and couldn't finish the game at that time. He sat down and finished the game by playing against himself. He carried on a running conversation through the whole game. At the end, I asked him if he won and he said, "No, I'm a tough player so I lost."

Later on he was playing Erin in a game of Trouble. She was trying to cheat by adding new rules. He wasn't having any part of that so she got frustrated and said she wasn't playing any more. Teddy said, "That's fine. I don't need you to play." So, once again he played the entire game against himself. This time, however, he pretended to be Erin when it was her turn. Here's a bit of the running dialog:

Teddy: I got a 4. One-Two-Three-Four. You're in Trouble! You have to go back to home.
Teddy (in a high pitched girl voice): NO! When you roll a 4, you can't send someone home.
Teddy: That's cheating! You can too send someone home on a 4!
Teddy (high voice): OK! Fine! My turn. [rolls a 5] One-Two-Three-Four-Five.

This continued through the whole game. Again I asked him if he won at the end. He said, "Yes! Even though Erin kept trying to cheat I still won!"

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I had my rib nerve block yesterday. Once again the 10 minute procedure took 40 minutes. I won't go into the gory painful details. Suffice it to say they had to give me 3 local anesthesia injections. So far I am only getting minimal relief. The pain is better but not completely gone. They said it could take up to 2 days for the cortisone to work. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I need the full 2 days.