The Mouths Of Babes

Tough Questions

I've found the most difficult questions to answer are not the big ones (where do babies come from?) but the every day ones. Teddy just asked me "How do crayons color on paper?"

Whenever I answer one of these questions and they actually understand my response I'm always so proud of myself. I think, "See, I know what I'm doing. I can explain how crayons work!" I told him that crayons are made of wax with coloring in them. The wax sticks to paper and since it has coloring in it, the paper ends up colored.

Teddy was completed satisfied with my answer. Unfortunately it led to another question:

Teddy: You mean like ear wax?
Me: No, ear wax isn't really wax like crayons and candles are made out of. Ear wax just looks like wax, which is why they call it that but it's not really wax.
Teddy: OH! Plus, when you eat ear wax it gives you a tummy ache.

I'm really hoping that was just conjecture on his part.

Momma's Gonna Buy You...

Last night at bedtime I was singing 'Hush Little Baby' to the children. As soon as I finished, Teddy said, "That Mom really wasted a lot of money. She should have stopped after the billy goat."

New DotMoms Post

I just added a new post to DotMoms: When They Grow Up

Camping Out

On Friday night Ted set up the tent we bought for the children last summer. Even though we bought it last summer, Friday night was the first time we actually set it up outside. We had it set up in our living room for a few weeks but never set it up outside. The children absolutely loved 'camping out.' Here they are in the tent:

See how small it is? It sure was a shame that it was so small. Only Ted fit in there with them. I had to suffer through a whole night alone iin the house, unable to camp out with the bugs, on the hard ground, in a tent too short for a grown adult. Poor me.

The children really had a blast, though. They had flashlights and cards and board games. They also packed a small cooler full of snacks and juice boxes. We are now going to get a bigger tent and try to do some camping this summer. I think we will have so much fun doing that. I know the children will...

My Entomologist

Me: Teddy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Teddy: An entomologist!
Me: And what does an entomologist do?
Teddy: Studies bugs! And feeds them. And plays with them.

He really means it, too. We are currently under a Cicada Invasion. Teddy couldn't be happier. He has collected a whole colony of cicadas in an old fish tank we have outside (for the express purpose of his collecting bugs).

He's not the least bit squeamish about holding them either:

And here's a movie (don't watch it if you're squeamish about bugs crawling on people):

Download MOV00720.MPG

Breakfast in Bed

On Mother's Day Erin wanted to make me breakfast in bed. She talked about it for a week. She just couldn't wait to make me breakfast in bed. She awoke at 6 am and came to wake me.

Erin: "Mom. ... Mom!"
Me: "Huh? What?"
Erin: Time for your breakfast in bed. If you want cereal, I can make that now. I think you should have pancakes. If you want pancakes you'll have to wait for Daddy to wake up so he can help me make them. So, what do you want, cereal or pancakes?

(My half asleep brain converted this paragraph to: pancakes = more sleep.)

Me: Pancakes. Definitely pancakes.

Two hours later I was served pancakes, orange slices, coffee, milk, and a fresh flower. Everything was yummy, including the flower.

Stop Talking!

In the car:

Teddy: Mom, I said 'Stop Talking" because when you talk I have to talk and it makes me cough. So, stop talking!
Me: OK, honey.
(10 seconds later)
Teddy: Mom, I know what 10 minutes equals.
Me: What?
Teddy: 600 seconds.
Me: Wow, that's great that you know that. How did you learn that? Did you figure it out yourself?
Teddy: No, I heard Erin say it. I know what 5 minutes equals.
Me: What?
Teddy: 500 seconds.
Me: Well, no, honey. 5 minutes equals 300 seconds.
Teddy: Well I know what 4 minutes equals... 400 seconds!
Me: No, 4 minutes equals 240 seconds.
Teddy: I know what 1 minute equals - 60 seconds!
Me: That's right! Very good!
Teddy: I know what 2 minutes equals - 200 seconds!
Me: No, 2 minutes equals 120 seconds.
Teddy: Mom! Why do you keep saying No?!
Me: Well, I want you to learn so I have to tell you the right answer. That way you can learn as you grow up. If I kept letting you give the wrong answer then you'd never learn. You know what 1 minute equals and you know what 10 minutes equals - that's learning!
Teddy: 10 minutes equals 500 seconds.
Me: No, remember - 10 minutes equals 600 seconds.
Teddy: NO!
Me: Yes, honey. Remember when we first got in the car. You said "I know what 10 minutes equals - 600 seconds" and I said, "That's great! How did you know that?" and you said, "I heard Erin say that." Do you remember that?
Teddy: haha Oh, yeah.
(then he ponders this for 3 seconds and gets very angry that I threw his own words back at him)
Teddy: WELL! Remember when I told YOU to STOP TALKING!

He didn't seem to remember that he started the discussion...

Check it out...

I have a new post over at DotMoms: "Or Else" parenting

Conversations

Teddy's Wife

Ted: Teddy, what do you think your wife will look like? What color hair do you want her to have?
Teddy: Nothing. I'm not going to have a wife.
Erin: Teddy, if you don't have a wife, you don't get to have kids. Kids are fun! Well, sometimes they're fun - when they listen. (Then she gives me a commiserating look.)

Dudes

Teddy: Dude! Hey, dude!
Me: Are you talking to me? Am I a dude?
Teddy: Oh, wait, no. You're not a dude. Girls aren't dudes.
Me: What are girls, then?
Teddy: Girls are 'beautifuls.'
Me: haha So if you don't say, "Hey, dudes!" what do you say to a girl?
Teddy: Hey, beautifuls!

Obssession

Teddy: Rachel, look, look!
Rachel: I know, Teddy. You've shown me Spongebob's underwear three times! Is that your obssession?
Teddy: No, my obssession is to disgust you.

Dreamland

Me: Rise and shine, sleepyhead. Time to get up for school.
Teddy: Mommy, do you want me to tell you my dream last night?
Me: Sure.
Teddy: I dreamed I was flying.
Me: Wow.
Teddy: That's not all. We were flying over Adam's house and it was teeny tiny.
Me: Were you flapping your arms?
Teddy: No, I was floating. But that's not the end. Then we were in a cave and we were lost.
(starts tearing up)
Me: How scary. How did we get out?
Teddy: There were cords and we couldn't cross the cords. Then Daddy found a button to turn off the cords. Daddy and Erin got out but then I pushed the button and the cords came back and you and me were trapped.
Me: Oh no.
Teddy: You told me not to push the button but I pushed it anyway and we were trapped.
(he starts crying; I resisted the urge to tell him 'I told you not to push the button.' :) )
Teddy: There was a hole in the sky. So we flew into the hole but it went on forever and ever. We saw Daddy and Erin and they threw us a rope and we got down.
Me: What an interesting dream. Was that a good dream or a bad dream?
Teddy: Both. No, neither! Or was it both?